Loki

I don't even know how to start typing this. Most of you already know but I will start from the beginning. When I came home from work on Friday, about 230, I found Loki dead. Loki had been very sick since the middle of January. His symptoms started with throwing up and decreased appetite. He was still very active and not lethargic, going on 2 mile walks or runs almost everyday. After a week or so of throwing up I called the vet and made an appointment for a few days in the future. I was not that worried cause he was not very mopey, just throwing up about once a day and not eating very much. We finally made it to the vet about two weeks ago and the substitute vet(mine was out of town) put him on some antibiotics, some pepcid and a painkiller for his leg which he had also been limping on. She was hoping he was just having an ulcer and/or the flu. He stopped throwing up on those meds but his appetite didn't improve and his desire for activity went straight downhill. About 5 days after that appointment, my vet came back into town and decided since he hadn't thrown up we could discontinue the pain pill and one of the antibiotics. The next day Loki threw up and I called the vet and we agreed to come in on Tuesday, February 5th. That Monday, before the appointment, Loki had a seizure. Luckily Mike was here to help him through it. The vet checked Loki out Tuesday and found a lesion growing on his lip, which I had thought was a scab that was not getting better. He also found that the inside of his mouth was covered with sores. He then asked me to bring Loki back first thing Wednesday for a biopsy of that lesion and one of the sores. By this time Loki had lost about 12 pounds and was not eating and I had to force the pills down his throat. Wednesday he had the biopsy and I picked him up around 5 pm that day. He came home very shaky and barely able to walk. Thursday, Mike was able to stay home to watch him since I had to work. At this point we were having to lift Loki to a standing position to get him to go out to pee. He was only eating a few bites a day and drinking some water. I was really worried about Friday because everyone I knew was working so I called Jenna to come check on him in the morning and Mom checked on him during her lunch break at 115pm. She called me at school at that time to say his eyes were dilated and he did not look good. My guess is he had already had a seizure at some point because the way she was describing his face makes me remember how it looked when he had the seizures when he was young. When I got home an hour later Loki was laying by the chalkboard, by Mike's office opening. His eyes were wide open and I called to him but he didn't even blink. Sophi and Paige were with me and it is the worst moment of my life. I have never been able to walk thru that door without his eyes and ears perking up at me. I started screaming for him. I hadn't even taken another step into the kitchen because I was so afraid to get closer to him and find that he was in fact dead. I picked up the phone and called Jen. I screamed at her that I thought Loki was dead and could she come help me figure out what to do. The girls ran to their room and I ran to Loki. He was so warm it was like he had just died. His back legs were all twisted under his body so I picked up his rear to fix them and noticed he had peed. At this point I figured he had had another seizure. He had some foam in his mouth too which he would get when he seized. I started pounding on his check and tried to blow some air into his mouth trying anything to get him to come back to me. Nothing worked. My best friend, constant sidekick and first baby was leaving me and I couldn't catch him. I called the vet to see if they could send someone to revive him but they couldn't. I called Mike and told him Loki was dead. By this time Jen had shown up and Stef had come in with Emma. I layed with Loki for a little until Chris showed up to help me take him to the vet. In just those few minutes, Loki had grown stiff and I knew for sure he was dead. The girls went with Jen and Stef and Chris followed me to the vet to take Loki in. We took him in the back door and after Chris left I stayed with Loki for some time. I didnt want this to be over. He had so many years left. I rubbed his fur forever. I sobbed over him in front of strangers. Everytime I tried to leave I just couldn't. He wasn't getting up to follow me and it was the most hollow feeling I have ever had. I finally left him, step by step, I edged closer to the back door. Did the nurses think I was weird? Maybe if I hoped hard enough he would just get up and follow me. I got closer and closer to the door and Loki got further and further away. I finally went thru the door and a minute later Mike pulled into the parking lot at the vets. What do I do now? For those of you who knew Loki and our relationship you might be feeling some of what I'm feeling. We were so close and could read each other so well. I never thought this day would come like this. I pictured us growing old together and going on long slow walks. He was the most loyal dog anyone could have asked for and I'm not sure why he had to go so soon. This house is just not the same when you walk thru the door. For those of you who knew Loki, if you could leave a comment on the webpage telling me your favorite thing about him I would really appreciate it. I know what I liked about him and I know the things he did that drove me crazy, but what did you think? Thanks in advance for any comments.